A new reality

I haven’t posted much recently because everything I’ve written is sad and depressing and that’s so not what I wanted to do with this blog. Unfortunately that’s just the way my mind is working right now.

I want to be funny but find myself struggling not to cry most days. And that’s not funny.

I’m still adjusting to this new reality. You know, the one where my mom died and Beauty is in another state? Yeah, that’s been a lot of fun. NOT! I can’t help it. I miss my mom and I miss my girl. We talk on the phone almost every day which helps but it’s not the same. We have gotten to Skype a few times and that’s a little better but still not the same. I can’t touch her and give her a hug.

MiniMe and I will be going on a long weekend trip to see Beauty in a week and a half. I’m so very excited!!! We haven’t seen her since August when we went on our epic adventure and it’s been a looooooooooong 3 months. MiniMe misses her sissy a lot and can’t wait to see her. She’s not the only one! I’m also happy because I’ll get to see my sister who I haven’t seen since mom’s funeral.

With the holidays fast approaching we will have a whole season of firsts. I have Valium for the worst rough spots but I think I’ll be okay because I have the love and support of my family.

Oh yeah, and I’ve decided after almost 25 years to quit smoking! Please pray for MiniMe and I as we try not to kill each other during this time.


My sister

Today is my sister’s birthday. The same sister I posted about with the “Walnuts in my crotch” thing. This is the sister that basically raised me. I am the youngest of 5 children. There are 12 years between myself and the next to the youngest so it’s like I’m a whole different generation. My sister is the middle child and was 14 when I was born. My parents owned a restaurant at the time and weren’t home much. A lot of the responsibility for me fell on my sister. When I was about 6 my sister moved out and lived in the neighboring town 17 miles away. She taught me her phone number (3-3-“Oh, what’s that other number”-4) so I could always call her when I needed her. I don’t remember there ever being a time that I called her and she didn’t answer. Realistically, I’m sure she wasn’t sitting by the phone just waiting for me to call her but that’s my childhood memory at work. I remember when our parents went on vacation and I got to go spend 2 weeks with her. I remember when I was little she used to make all of my birthday cakes. She’s an awesome artist! I remember when I was 13 I spent the summer taking care of her and my nephew as she was pregnant with my niece and having contractions for 4 months so she was on complete bed-rest. I remember when she travelled 400 miles to see me graduate from college. I talk to her almost every day. Even tho she lives far-ish away from me I still know that if it came right down to it and I needed her, she would be here no matter what. I would do the same for her.

So with that, I love you Hope! May you have the best birthday ever!

Love, your baby sister


Sleep Deprivation

A few years ago, my mom had her 3rd open heart surgery. The morning of the surgery came at about o’dark-thirty. None of us had gotten any much sleep the night before. Imagine 11 people sprawled in chairs in a hospital waiting room yawning big enough to make you think of the Grand Canyon. We had probably gotten about 20 minutes an hour of sleep collectively. A bunch of them decided to go to the cafeteria to get coffee and food. My sister and I decided to stay in case someone came out to talk to us. We were sitting on one of the little couches together. I looked at her and said “I think my consciousness level has hit a wall.” What she heard was “I think I have walnuts in my crotch.” Ummm… Seriously, we laughed all day about it!