Today you are 19 years old. Holy Hannah how did that happen? Just yesterday you were a tiny baby looking up at me with bright blue eyes so full of wonder. When I found out I was pregnant with you I was so very excited. I knew my life was about to change and I couldn’t wait! When you were born and the doctor laid you on my tummy, you were all pink and wrinkly, and perfect. I can’t even begin to imagine what my life would have been like without you in it. From the time you were born you gave me a purpose. You made me want to be better. It was always you and I, even from the beginning. Raising you and your sister by myself has been one of the hardest, most rewarding jobs I’ve ever had. When your sister was born you were the best helper any mom could ever have. She was your very own little dolly you could help feed and dress and bathe. You were so proud to be the big sister! Then she started getting into your stuff and the honeymoon period was over.
When I watched you fall from the horse and almost get stepped on, it was one of the scariest moments of my life. But you actually did “tuck and roll” that time and came out of it with a trip to the ER only to stitch up a nasty gash on your leg. You were a trooper tho and the next day insisted on hiking around a park on crutches with your class field trip.
When you got to accepted to be a part of the Missoula Children’s Theatre plays 5 years running, I thought I couldn’t be more proud. I was wrong. You topped it of by auditioning and getting accepted to go to acting camp! From the time you were little you have had the coolest sense of humor of anyone I’ve ever met. You have always had a way of making people forget about their sadness, if only for a moment of gut-busting laughter. I love that about you!
Then you hit high school and the world pretty much fell apart. Watching you struggle these last few years has been so hard for me. I want to just pull you close and make all the bad stuff go away. But you are an adult now and I just have to trust that all the things I’ve tried to teach you over the years stuck somewhere and you will get through all of this. I love you more than you can possibly imagine. You are my firstborn and there is no one on this earth who can replace you. I’m proud to be your mom. I love you baby girl.